Sunday night, I wrote a post about 25 of my biggest secrets and shared that blog post with the world! The response that I received was overwhelming in that I didn’t expect so many people to identify with my secrets! One of the funniest things happened as a result; a few people contacted me personally and gave me an in-depth spiel on how they can relate and what my post meant to them. One response effected me in a unique and necessary way.
A sister of mine wrote me a long message about how she relates and created an opportunity for deeper conversation that could grow us closer together. I read her message, was overwhelmed by it and became distracted before I could give her a great response. (I have a really bad habit of not responding to messages in a timely manner; its not intentional though!) Right before I was about to lay down and close my eyes for the night, I wanted to make sure that I acknowledged her message, so I sent her a basic response; “Thanks! That is very encouraging and meant a lot.” After hitting the send button, I went right to sleep; oblivious to the shallow nature of my response.
Monday was the first day that I started my new goal of waking up at 4am! (that’s an entirely different post in itself but just know it’s amazing. Try it!) When I woke up, my sister had sent me a very unexpected message. She expressed that she was a little turned off by the shallowness of my response to her. She virtually poured her heart out and I gave her a generic response; killing any attempt at a deeper conversation and a relationship with her. After reading her honesty, I was taken aback and extremely grateful. Which brings me to the title of this post: Digging Deeper #15.
Secret #15: “I love keeping people at a distance but I long for deep and close relationships/friendships”. This conversation was direct evidence of my interaction with others. Digging deeper into this secret, I recognize that I keep people at arms length for a few reasons. 1. I’ve been hurt in close relationships before and that pain sucks/I never want to experience it again. 2. I assume that I’m not that important and people could care less whether we develop a relationship or not (whew. talk about being honest with yourself). These two realities hinder me in building strong and close relationships in my life. And it was in that moment that I realized why God wanted me to share my secrets. I promise that every time I share, it’s more for me than anyone else! I knew that this would be a journey towards ridding my life of these secrets but I wasn’t aware the work would start so soon. Time isn’t waiting for anyone and the reality is, it’s taken so long to finally admit that these secrets exist; there is no time for delaying their exposure and expulsion!
As a result of that conversation, I’m making a conscious effort to let people in a little closer! In order to begin letting people in, I have to believe the truth about how people feel about me. I have to believe that there are trustworthy people. I have to let go of the fear of being hurt. The reward attached to trust and love is far greater than that of fear and distrust. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m so grateful that there are people that want to be close to me.
What secret will you dig deeper into? There is no point in waiting for God or others to point them out or remind you. Start digging deeper into them. Look for and acknowledge the reasons behind their existence. Look at the secrets as if they’re symptoms, and then dig deeper to figure out the “sickness”. Treat the sickness and the symptoms automatically disappear!