Over the past few years, I’ve noticed a distinct pattern among women in relationships. I’ve had friends that are in relationships, waiting anxiously for their men to propose to them. Some of them waiting 2 years, others waiting 5; and I could relate because I felt the same while waiting to be proposed to by my now husband. I’ve had several conversations with so many women that complain about the length of time that it is taking their man to propose. I’ve even had these same conversations with women that are waiting for their men to move them into the official girlfriend status. Recently, I began to understand the dynamic between men and women and why it always seems as if the man is taking his sweet time.
As women, we are very in tune with our emotions and we often feel more than we think; which is not a negative attribute. I believe that we were just created this way; and for good reason. Because we are more emotional, when we feel that it is time for something to happen, that one thing becomes our priority. We begin to seek it diligently, whether we’re in a relationship or not. When our body and heart tell us that we need something, we expect for it to happen within a certain time frame. We also want to know that we are worth a man committing to us. We want to know that we’re not being played as fools or wasting our time, emotionally investing in someone that is apprehensive or even afraid to be with us.
On the contrary, most men are thinkers (I know…it doesn’t seem like it sometimes). They think through things more than they feel and they rarely base their actions off of their emotions. I have a good friend who is newly married. She waited about four years for a proposal and her patience began to wear thin around the 2 and half year mark. Many of her friends were getting married and she just did not understand what the holdup was. Well after four years, he finally proposed and he revealed that he had purchased the engagement ring almost a year prior and wanted to pay it off completely before he proposed. That is a man that is thinking about the future. Knowing that he will have a wedding to pay for once he proposes, he was trying to be wise about the steps even though his girlfriend made it very clear that she was growing impatient.
As women, we often say that we want a man that is waiting on and hearing from God but then we get impatient while we wait on him. We want the man to move when we’re ready but if he did that, he’d be following us and not God and that’s not what we truly want. In most situations, though the woman is ready and growing impatient, the man eventually moves at the perfect time.
The concept of time is also relative. While I was ready after a year, many women would tell me that a year isn’t long enough to be dating someone before getting engaged. Contrarily, there are other women that have been waiting for 10 years for a man to propose. I also know women who have been in a friendship stage with a man and feel as if he is taking too long to make her an official girlfriend. Again, while time is relative, if we feel like this is a man that is truly following God, we have to be patient as women, and continue to support him while waiting. The art of waiting on our men is a lesson to learn and keep as it extends through marriage as well. There have been times when I’ve thought that it was time to buy a car or buy a home and God is telling my husband, “not yet”. While my husband will relay the message with confidence, my mind only hears “no”, and I’ll fuss and rant about whatever it is that I want. In 2014, I was adamant about buying a home and I worried my husband to stress about it. Finally, after nine months of looking and trying, it was clear that we were both on different pages about it and needed to come to one accord in order for our marriage to work. Once I decided to let him lead, an amazing housing opportunity came to us and we were living in an amazing new place within the next two months.
Despite what we think, trying to force a man to make a decision based on our desires is not the way to go. Ultimately, we truly want our men to make decisionsbased on sincerity and his own desire. I know that every situation is different, and I’m also aware that sometimes, our men are actually scared and procrastinating as opposed to praying and waiting. Either way, I believe God gave women the ability to pray, discern and support while he challenges our men to think and lead. It’s not always fun but I’m confident that when we yield to this design, we’ll be content in our situations as opposed to impatiently waiting.