We wake up. We feed children. We clean house. We let go of our inhibitions from the night before or the entire week we spent tired but pushing past our will to accommodate the needs of others and ourselves. And our households. We are superheroes; that’s not in question. But, we are not invincible. We are sensitive and connected to our emotions and the emotions of others, so we get tired – quickly.
We take in all of your problems, even when you don’t say a word. We anticipate actions of babies and fathers and husbands and friends before they even happen and we begin to plan for them ahead of time. We’re empathic – so we feel strongly and carry great loads on our shoulders.
Listen. We are tired. We’re tired of your buillshit. We’re tired of you asking us where your things are BEFORE you’ve looked for them. We’re tired of making dinner and then hearing complaints about it. We’re tired of doing the laundry and then seeing it pile back up the next day. We’re really tired of cleaning up the house and losing our sanity the next few minutes when we realize that all of that arranging and cleaning and scrubbing was for no damn reason.
We’re tired of not having time to feel. Or process our emotions. Or take care of ourselves. We’re tired of having to stomach the world’s need for healing without ever having time for our own.
And we’re tired of that not being recognized.
You know, we’ve had the conversations. We’ve asked for help. And we didn’t receive it. Not necessarily because others didn’t want to give it but because they don’t know how. So they ask us. “How can I help you” and we say “I don’t fucking know” because we don’t. We don’t know how you can help us, we just need you to do it.
“Well I’m not a mind reader” they say or “how can we help you if we don’t know what you need?”
And that sends us somewhere. Because that is exactly what we do for a living. We help you even when you don’t know what you need. We anticipate your needs even when ours go unmet every single day. We tell you what you need when you have no idea. We give you what you need even when we’re starving for peace and tranquility and love and acceptance and a break – just a gotdamn break.
When we say we need time away or a break or help, we aren’t saying that we don’t want to be here or that we don’t love our lives. We’re simply saying that in order to continue living, we are going to need you to tune in a little bit. We’re going to need you to be more intentional about knowing what we need, when we need it. We need you to tap in and get out of your head. Stop living in your bubble and engage in the real world – our world.
Behave like an adult. Clean up after yourself. Look for the thing before you ask me where the thing is. Send me away for a few hours or a few days when I say I’m tired. Tell me to sit down when I’m cleaning up and then YOU do it. Suggest that I go do that thing I like to do. Or that I go eat at that restaurant I like to eat at. Text my friends and tell them I’m in need of some girl time and then SCHEDULE IT FOR ME. .
Friends and family COME TAKE MY KIDS. Don’t ask. Don’t schedule time for 4 weeks from now, just come. Or bring me wine randomly on a Saturday morning because you know I’ve had a long week. (And even if i haven’t had a long week, there is never a bad time to bring wine).
I won’t continue to badger the point. What I will say, is that women everywhere are crying out for help and the people in their lives have no idea what to do with it. I get it. It’s hard to anticipate someone’s needs when you aren’t used to doing so. But all you have to do is listen. Listen to their soul. Listen to your own. Use that discernment. Ask God. Ask your friends. Ask ya momma. Do something. Don’t let us keep dying out here.
We need you.
And we need a fucking break.