Role Recognition: Being His Help

Around the time of our one year marriage anniversary, I remember complaining to myself about specific things that my husband would do. He procrastinated and was very unorganized along with several other things that had begun to get on my nerves. After a few minutes of complaining, I could hear God say “well you’re his help, so help him.” That moment was a huge wake up call for me. I couldn’t deny that I had been operating as if my husband was just supposed to have it all together. It was then I was reminded that I was supposed to be his help for times like this when he just couldn’t get it together on his own.

When we take the time to examine our mates and our marriages, we can see the places in which our husbands need help and the ways in which we can help fill in the gaps for them. For example, my husband is not the organization and administrative type; those just aren’t his strong points. I, however, am very skilled in each of those areas; they come naturally to me. I realized that I needed to pray and ask God for the best way to approach and help my husband and then sit with him and hear his heart on where he feels like he needs help. As wives, we are not just called to do our own thing while our men suffer, neither are we called to wait on him hand and foot; there is a balance. Every marriage is different thus has its own system and organization but I do know that wives are to help our husbands be who they are created to be. We have to help them be the most effective and efficient even if we are simply their cheerleaders.

Now, I have to say this: there is a fine line between being a help and being his mother. At the end of the day, these are grown men and we agreed to marriage, we didn’t agree to be their mothers. To this point, prayer is very essential. We have to pray and ask God what our help should look like for our specific husband. What are we supposed to do and say? What shouldn’t we help with? What does enabling look like for our husband? Being a wife isn’t the easiest job but it can be so fulfilling when we are doing what we are called to do as women. Sometimes our help may come with sacrifice. It may even come with frustration; but I believe that God has given us this structure for a reason.

What if your husband refuses the help? Or is blind to the fact that he needs it? Or he dismisses your advice. Again, prayer is the solution. There have been so many times where I’ve given my husband a suggestion or two and he’s dismissed it; only to come back to me a week later and either say ” Babe, you were right, I need to do this” or he’ll relay to me that a friend gave him advice and nine times out of ten, that advice will be the exact same advice that I had given to him.  ‘

I can’t say that I don’t still get frustrated with my husband or forget that he needs help. I have moments where I’ll complain to a friend about him and then God will check me and remind me that my husband simply needs my help in this area and has no idea how to ask for it. He honestly rarely knows that he even needs help. We have to recognize when it’s time to nag and when it’s time to just pray for what we should do and say. So the next time you find yourself frustrated with his progress or his actions, ask yourself how you can help him. Even if that help is simply saying a prayer and letting God work.