Nothing More Than A Housewife

                                “I’m nothing more than a housewife. Cleaning and raising children will be what my life consists of for the next 20 years. I’ll commit to leisurely writing and occasional conversations encouraging others to pursue their passion.” These were the thoughts that began to creep into my mind as weeks of busyness and fatigue became my new norm. As I became comfortable with making excuses, God was conveniently there to diminish them. He admonished me by declaring that money is not my problem. Neither is time. Nor resources or talent. Fear is my problem. Fear of failure and loss. Fear of perpetuating a cycle of reneged declarations and unfulfilled desires.  A self inflicted fear was becoming a self induced reality. What I feared would happen was beginning to happen all because I began to doubt my ability to conquer. My ambition was fading and I subsequently accepted defeat. I convinced myself that maybe those dreams were too far fetched. Maybe it was easier to settle into the role of mother and wife because at least I could handle those two with a tolerable amount of sanity. It was a real place that required real attention if I was to ever make it out.
While being a mother and wife are admirable and noble titles, I know that before I was those things, I had a purpose beyond them. That purpose did not change when new titles and responsibilities were added to my life. A few days ago, my loving husband felt led to implement “family time with God”; through this I was reintroduced to one of the simpler words of the English language: Try.
Try; to attempt to do or accomplish.
God was imploring me to just try. Instantly I thought of the million times that I’ve heard “you don’t try, you either do or you don’t”. But God knows me, and knows that the phrase “just do it” paralyzes me. As an overthinking, obsessive planner, “just do it” defies all of my logistical habits. I need a plan. I need details. I need instruction and a layout. Trying, makes more sense to me. IMG_5791God encouraged me to just try to make it happen. Before I decide that it can’t be done, put effort towards actually doing it! The word try eliminated all of my excuses of why my goals could not be reached. When you sincerely put forth effort to do something, more often than not; you accomplish it. As I ponder and plan, I create a greater opportunity for execution.
Trying looks different for everyone. For me, trying means that I stay up after putting my
daughter back to sleep at 4am. It’s quiet and I’m able to get work done at that time without interruption. Trying means pushing past how I feel in the moment. When I’m tired and my body hurts, trying means that I get up anyway. Trying means reaching out to family and friends for help as opposed to declaring that I’m alone. Exhausting all my options before I decide it’s impossible.
And I’ve decided, that in order for me to acquire enough strength to try; I have to continue to visit God every single day. I need that reminder that I’m able. The reminder that I was created for this. I need that reminder that faith and works together breed life. Most of all, I need that reminder that at the end of the day, money is not my problem. Neither is time nor resources or talent. Fear is my problem. And if I can just put in my utmost effort, try and push past my feelings; I can and will be more than a housewife.
Written at 3:55am.

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This Post Has 10 Comments

  1. I appreciate your perspective on “try.” Since I’m in the “do it or don’t” camp I’d never thought about “try” in that way. The way you described your responsibilities is why I TRY to appreciate my singleness daily because life won’t always be as easy as it is now for me to pursue my goals. I look forward to the busyness of caring for a family one day, but I feel a spiritual obligation to thrive where I am now. Love your introspection. Love your voice. Love your writing. Thanks for the post 🙂

  2. Quick question, are you going to write a book? The reason that I asked was because from your previous writings up until now, they’re amazing.

  3. I loved this piece. I can identify with that nibbling fear that keeps one paralyzed. I took on a new client recently and I cant tell how many times I thought I was not cut out for it. Bless you and your words. Keep at it.

  4. You have an amazing talent to materialize your thoughts on paper. God has definitely placed you where you are to reach others. And you have certainly reached me and given me new prospective to be a better version of myself. Much Thanks and Admiration!

  5. I really needed to hear this today. I’m currently in overwhelming situation and my default response is to “give up”—mostly because I don’t want to deal with the “possibility” of failing. Thank you for the encouragement to “push through”

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