Stalling: A Sunday Sermon

A few years ago I decided to take my first solo trip. I wanted to go to the beach, for three days, alone. I told my husband I was going, booked my place on the beach, and started packing. My husband and I weren’t on the best of terms but I took his shrug and “ok”  and ran with it. 

My kids were little, 2 and 1 I believe. I kept telling myself it was ok to leave them. It was ok to take the time away and reconnect with me. I heard a few comments from others. “That’s selfish, you can’t do that.” “You’re starting to seem like an absentee mom.” I heard the comments, kept packing, and left anyway. The room was already paid for. 

On my way to the beach I convinced myself it was too far to drive. Maybe I should fly. I went to the airport to look at tickets. THE AIRPORT. I walked around trying to find a ticket cheaper than $500. I didn’t have any money to buy a ticket and the drive was only 5 hours. I was stalling. 

I did more stalling by sitting on the side of the road, calling around to different airlines trying to find tickets. I even thought maybe I should go to a different part of Florida instead. 

Finally, I heard the voice, “Stop stalling.” 

The truth was, I was afraid to take that trip alone. Afraid to do the exact thing I wanted and needed; so I stalled. 

I look back at this moment often when I feel myself stalling in life. When I feel myself overthinking something or trying to find a new way to do something that’s already finished. I remember how dumb it was for me to stall my trip for 2 hours because I was afraid to go somewhere, be alone, and be allowed to do whatever the hell I wanted to do. I was afraid to be happy.

So now, when I’m on that same path, the path to doing whatever I want, I acknowledge when I’m stalling and push myself forward. Stalling doesn’t change the desire, it just prolongs it. So keep going, don’t overthink it and head towards the destination. It will be beautiful and enchanting when you finally just do it.