thirty.

Getting older is scary. Not because we’re closer to old age, but because the weight of responsibilities that sit on our shoulders seem to get heavier and heavier with each year. At least that’s how I felt. I felt like getting older meant you needed to know more, be better, do better, have more answers, have it all figured out.

What I’m finding, is that no matter how old you are or where you’re coming from or what age you’re going to be, you will always have questions about life. You will always have questions about how to do things better or what patterns to break or what things to leave behind or whatever. There will always be questions. And there will always be answers.

The catch is, answers may take more time to come by. Answers may take 10 years; and you just have to be okay with that. You have to be okay with the process of getting older, because it was put in place for a reason. It was put in place to be something for you. A catalyst, a wedge, an inspiration, a teacher, a long awaited reasoning for who you are. I don’t know, process is what it is; it does what it does – and we have to let it.

Life is just crazy like that. It’s just one of those things that becomes you as you become it. It’s one of those things that brings you to your knees some days and lifts you higher than cloud 9 on other days.

Life is just that – inconsistently consistent.

As I approach 30, I know I don’t have all the answers. Matter of fact, I don’t have any of them.There are days where I think I do; and then I realize that all I saw was half the reality, and not the entire thing.

The biggest memory I will have of this time, is realizing that reality will smack you straight in the face on days when you’re committed to living in la la land. And that’s ok. Reality is a face smacker. That’s reality’s job. To remind you of what’s true. And we have a tendency to not hold onto that. We (me) have a tendency to remain in the clouds on days when we’re really needed on the ground.

I guess that’s what turning 30 is teaching me. It’s teaching me to get in the game. Get out of the clouds and bring down the heaven that I find up there each time. It’s about learning to let go of the fantasy just long enough to see how to create the fantasy within your reality – making it a beautiful mix of heaven on Earth.

And if all of that sounds ethereal, then realize all I’m saying, is that we have to remember that there is nothing wrong with visiting the clouds; we just can’t live there. We live in reality. We live here, on Earth where one day you’re here and the next you aren’t. Or one day you think one thing and the next you don’t. And none of this is bad stuff, it’s just reality. It’s just real life. And the sooner we accept it, the sooner we can waltz through life with the peace of knowing that we don’t have control over everything – we only have control over our own decisions – and making those decisions is our only responsibility. And when we make them, we must keep in mind that none of those decisions guarantee that things will go our way.

Growing up is inevitable. Uncontrollable. Surprising and predictable all at the same damn time. It’s scary. And it’s what we’ve been called to – simply because we’re here, living it.

So don’t be afraid of 30 Ayebaifie (yes, I’m talking to myself out loud, in a blog). Just go about it the way you’ve gone about everything. Living life, loving yourself, and giving thanks to God along the way. That’s all you can do, and that’s the only way to get through this weird, scary, beautiful thing called life.

Happy 30th Birthday… to me.

ifie